I ran across this page and decided that I needed to have a local copy for reference. I hope Mr. Higgins doesn’t mind.
? I drink to make other people more interesting = George Jean Nathan
Check it out [[:-)]]
; I drink, therefore I am. : Unknown
? “I brew, therefore I am.” = Unknown
? “‘Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.” = W.C. Fields
? “I drink to make other people more interesting.” = George Jean Nathan
? “Beware the man who does not drink.” = Proverb
? “I never met a pub I didn’t like.” = Pete Slosberg, founder of Pete’s Brewing Company
? “A productive drunk is the bane of moralists.” = Unknown
? “The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.” = William Butler Yeats
? “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.” = George Bernard Shaw
? “I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink.” = Richard Burton
? “There is nothing for a case of nerves like a case of beer.” = Joan Goldstein
? “Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.” = Mark Twain
Praise not the day until evening has come;
a woman until she is bed;
a sword until it is tried;
a maiden until she is married;
ice until it has been crossed;
beer until it has been drunk.
? “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they get up in the morning that’s the best they’re going to feel all day.” = Joey Lewis
? “If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.” = David Daye
? “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”= Humphrey Bogart
? “People who drink ‘light beer’ don’t really like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.” = Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
? “Put it back in the horse.” = H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the ’30s-’50s, after drinking his first American beer.
? “Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.” = Catherine Zandonella
? “Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.” = W.C. Fields
? “What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” = W.C. Fields
? “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” = Oscar Wilde
? “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” = Henny Youngman
? “American beer is a lot like making love in a row boat; it’s f*cking close to water” = Eric Idle (of Monty Python fame)
? “Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.” = Tom Waits
? “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” = Steven Wright
? “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.” = Deep Thought by Jack Handy
? “A drink a day keeps the shrink away.” = Edward Abbey
? “My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I’m lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.” = Lewis Grizzard(?)
? “Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.” = Robert A. Heinlein
? “You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.” = Frank Zappa
? “Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” = Winston Churchill
* Lady Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.”
* Winston Churchill: “Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.”
* Lady Astor: “Sir, you are drunk.”
* Winston Churchill: “Yes madam, and you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober.”
? “He was a wise man who invented beer.” = Plato
? “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” = Benjamin Franklin
? “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” = Dave Barry
? “Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.” = David Moulton
? “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.” = Kaiser Wilhelm
? “I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.” = Homer Simpson
? “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” = Dave Barry
? “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” = Dean Martin
? “Religions come and go but beer and wine remain.” = Unknown
? “Beer cost me my job, my house, and my wife; I’m going to give it one more chance.” = Unknown
? “Your liver is an organ and therefore needs exercise.” = Saturday Night Live
? “Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he will drink beer all day.” = Dan Moon
? “Give a man a beer and he’ll waste an hour. Teach a man to brew beer and he’ll waste a lifetime.” = Unknown
? “Reality is an Hallucination caused by the Lack of Good Beer!” = Blue Tusk Brew Pub & Deli, Syracuse, NY
? “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” = Ernest Hemingway
? “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” = Ernest Hemingway
? “Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can’t say it.” = Anonymous
? “No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness – or as good as drink.” = G.K. Chesterton
? “Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.” = Anonymous
? “When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk, and go to heaven…” = Brian O’Rourke
? “Drink Canada dry. You might not succeed, but it is fun trying!” = Unknown
? “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.” = W.C. Fields?
? “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'” = Jack Handy?
? “Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.” = Ambrose Bierce
? “I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a drunk. Alcoholics have to go to all those damn meetings.” = Unknown
? “Finish your beer = there are sober people in China!” — Unknown
? “In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is strength, In water there is bacteria.” = German proverb
? “Give strong drink to him who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty, and remember their misery no more.” = Proverbs 31:6, 7
? “I have drunk since I was 15 and few things have given me more pleasure. When you work all day with your head and know you must again work the next day, what else can change your ideas and make them run on a different plane like whiskey?” = Ernest Hemingway
? “Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer=and another one!” — Irish toast
? “Three diseases without shame: love, itch, and thirst.” = Irish proverb
? “A simple exhortation found in an old English inn many years ago, published in the AUSTRALIAN BREWING AND WINE JOURNAL 21 June 1937 (thanks to George Bell for the submission):
THE WISE MAN’S DRINKING TABLE
Two pints equal one quart,
Four quarts equal one gallon,
One gallon equals one argument,
One argument equals one fight,
One fight equals two policemen,
Two policemen equal one magistrate,
One magistrate equals [one pound] or 14 days.
go home quietly,
and above all, don’t let beer get the best of you
? “What’s the use of gettin’ sober, when you’re just gonna get drunk again?” = an old jazz/swing song, covered by Joe Jackson on his “Jumpin’ Jive” album
? “It was so loud in there, I couldn’t even hear myself drink,” said one former Winnipeg Blue Bombers executive who will remain nameless, commenting about the 65,255 fans at the 2001 CFL Grey Cup in Montreal’s Olympic Stadium, the 2nd-largest crowd in the 89-year history of the Grey Cup.
? “Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.” = 1 Timothy 5:24
? “Think globally, drink locally.” = Lagunitas Brewing Company, Petaluma, CA
? “Alcohol is a way of life. Alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it!” = Homer Simpson
? “The sum of the matter is, the people drink because they wish to drink.” = Rudolph Brand, early 20th century Chicago brewer
? “An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.” = Confucius
? “Who does not love beer, wine, women, and song remains a fool his whole life long.” = Carl Worner, German-born bottlemaker known for his distinctive saloon scenes that decorated early 20th-century American beer bottles
? “There is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer.” = Peter Richmond
? “Make sure that the beer = four pints a week — goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.” — Winston Churchill, in a 1944 note to his Secretary of War
? “…to conduct [drinking] in the most rational and agreeable manner is one of the great arts of living.” = James Boswell, 1775
? “One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn’t live like the previous generation. It hasn’t yet given up jeans and t-shirts or beer.” = Rob Klugman, Senior VP, Coors Brewing
? “This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord has intended a more divine form of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to His bounty by learning about beer.” = Friar Tuck
? “The roots and herbes beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengtheneth and quickeneth the sight of the eyes.” = Nicholas Culpeper, 1651
? “I recommend bread, meat, vegetables, and beer.” = Sophocles’ philosophy of a moderate diet
? “The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer.” = Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.
? “Drink what you want, drink what you’re able, if you’re drinking with me, you’ll be under the table.” = Foley’s Pub, Ireland
? “Beer is my business, and I’m late for work.” = Pat Babcock?
? “Some say the glass is half full, some say half empty. I say, ‘Who’s been drinking my beer?'” = Unknown
? “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” = W.C. Fields
? “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” = George Burns
? “I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn’t have to wait for it to age.” = Steven Wright
? Several good quotes from http://www.churchofbeer.com:
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s Beer.
On the eighth day, God created Beer.
It’s not a Beer belly, it’s a Beer temple!
Yesterday I coodnt spel alcohoic alcholic drunk, today I are one.
Barley, hops, malt: the Beer trinity!
If I spill my Beer on you, consider yourself baptized!
God gave man, woman so man wouldn’t have to get up for Beer!
God gave us the Ten Commandments. Our distributor gave us the 12-pack, 18-pack, & 30-pack.
My drinking team has a racing problem. = unknown
“DOE- The stuff that buys my beer.
RAY- The guy who pours my beer.
ME- The one who drinks my beer.
FA-A long way to the john.
SO-I’ll have another beer.
LA-Let’s have another beer
TEA-No thanks I’ll have a beer.
Which….. brings….. us…….. back….. to …..doooe.” — Unknown
? Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers. = Cliff Clavin on ‘Cheers’
? My dad has been thrilled with this new popularity of his favorite beer [Pabst Blue Ribbon]. I’ve been trying for years to get him to drink something better (mostly so when I go to visit, I don’t have to drink that crap), but his response is always, ‘Hey, it won a blue ribbon. None of those expensive beers you drink won a blue ribbon.’ And he’s 100% serious. = Bob Eichler
? Q: Do you believe alcohol is acceptable? A: I believe it is mandatory.” = Jeremy D. Impson in alt.religion.kibology
?Q: Do you believe alcohol is acceptable? A: Just barely, but sometimes it’s the best you can do.” = John Doherty in alt.religion.kibology
? Drink plenty of fluids (‘fluids’ is the medical term for ‘beer’). = Dave Barry, on precautions to take during the flu season
? They who drink beer will think beer. = Washington Irving
? I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.” = Laura Kightlinger
? Less white than snow, more white than mortar? Oh, my soul, can this be Porter? = ‘The Dejeune,’ as quoted in ‘The Curiosities Of Ale And Beer’ (1886), by John Bickerdyke
? It was as natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking…beer. = Ernest Hemingway
? Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him. = Irish proverb
? The darkness of your beer on any given day should conform to the darkness of the sky at the standard quitting time of 6 P.M. = Ron Givens, beer writer
? A mind the caliber of mine cannot derive its nutriment from cows. = George Bernard Shaw
? She spoke in a low voice, like beer trickling out of a jug. = P.G. Wodehouse, ‘The Code of the Woosters’
? Here’s to mine and here’s to thine! Now’s the time to clink it! = Bliss Carman and Richard Hovey
? Of beer an enthusiast has said that it could never be bad, but that some brands might be better than others. = A.A. Milne
? Yes, hurrah the hops, and hurrah the malt They are life’s flavor and life’s salt! = From the 1847 opera ‘Martha’ libretto by Wilhelm Friedrich Riese
? Hopfen und Malz, Gott erhalt’s! = Unknown
? The two responses that I reoutinely get when I tell people that I’m a Wrigley Field beer vendor [in Chicago] are, ‘You have the best job in the world!’ and ‘Oh, that must be awful!’ = Nicholas Zimmerman, baseball park beer vendor
? Any government that raises the price of beer cannot last longer than the next plum harvest. = Czech proverb
? If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. = 110-year-old Hermann Doernemann, the oldest man in Germany, who attributed his longevity to walking to the corner store to buy beer and cigars
? Beer makes you feel as you ought to feel without beer. = Henry Lawson, 19th-century Australian poet and writer
? Beer speaks, people mumble. = Lagunitas Brewing Company slogan
? Alcohol. The cause and solution to all of life’s problems. = Homer Simpson
? I never let anything as tenuous as moral standards get in the way of drinking beer. = Jon Binkley in rec.food.drink.beer
? Do You Dare? = Motto on Reaper Redemption Red Ale label
? Never ask for ‘a beer’ at a bar… no one goes into a restaurant and requests ‘a plate of food, please.’ = Michael Jackson, British beer writer
? It is disgusting to notice the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects, and the amount of money that goes out of the country as a consequence. Everybody is using coffee; this must be prevented. His Majesty was brought up on beer, and so were both his ancestors and officers. Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer, and the King does not believe that coffee-drinking soldiers can be relied upon to endure hardships in case of another war. = Frederick the Great of Prussia
? Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship. To sink a few cold ones with the blokes is both an escape and a confirmation of belonging. = Rennie Ellis
? Beer is not a good cocktail party drink, especially in a home where you don’t know where the bathroom is. = Billy Carter
? Beer is the Danish national drink, and the Danish national weakness is another beer. = Clementine Paddleford
? Show me a nation whose national beverage is beer, and I’ll show you an advanced toilet technology. = Paul Hawkins, the history of the tavern is the history of America, Chuck Bigler, proprietor of Puempel’s Olde Tavern in New Glarus, Wisconsin
? Spiritus supra omnia. (“Alcohol above all.”) = Oxford Men’s Tippling Club slogan
? What I like about beer is you basically just drink it and order more. You don’t sniff at it, or hold it up to the light and slosh it around, or drone on and on about it, the way people do with wine. = Dave Barry
? To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can! = Dave Howell