The Gospel of St. Titleist

This is great. If you enjoy this, take a look at [[Why Golf is THE Professional Sport]].

### Source Unknown

# Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. *-Grantland Rice*
# Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. *-John Updike*
# It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. *-Robert Lynd*
# If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. *-Horace G. Hutchinson*
# They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. *-Gardner Dickinson*
# If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death. *-Sam Snead*
# Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. *-William Wordsworth*
# If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. *-Dean Martin*
# If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up. *-Tommy Bolt*
# Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. *-Bishop Sheen*
# I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced. *-Arnold Palmer*
# My handicap? Woods and irons. *-Chris Codiroli*
# The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. *-Pete Dye*
# I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! *-Buddy Hackett*
# The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. *-Billy Graham*
# If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. *-Jack Lemmon*
# It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. *-Mark Twain*
# Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. *-Harry Vardon*
# Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. *-Jimmy DeMaret*
# May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. *-Ben Hogan*
# If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. *-All Us Hackers*
# The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie. *-George Deukmejian*
# Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. *-Lee Trevino*